She Hulk
I know your much
Older now
Than back before
When you were
Fourteen and
I
Was nine
And we
Were on
The bus
It was a quiet
Bus ride home
With me
Talking to my
Friends
With your
Little brother
Included
When
All of a sudden
He
Twitches
In pain
He looks up
And
The damage
Was done
One of his
Eyebrow had been
Scratched off
You automatically
Without proof
Blamed me
Though
I
Was sitting in
A different seat
And
You automatically
As if it was what you did
For a living
Began to harass
Me and hit me
In the back of the head
Though I covered my
Head and could barely
See
I could see
Out of the corner
Of my eye
My sister
A couple of seats
Away
Turning red
A color I didn’t know
African Americans could turn
Until then
Heading straight
For you
You didn’t
See it coming as she
Knocked you
Straight
In your face
Throwing you off balance
Causing you to land on the floor
And this part was my
Personal favorite
She
Automatically got on top
Of you
And began barraging you
With fists
While I saw a smile appear
On the face of the
Bus driver
It got so bad a
Student had to get her
Off
Since then
I’ve seen the way
You look at
Girls
As if they’re all out
To get you
Well I’m much older now
And I just wanted
To tell you
Since this
Might be my last chance
That beating on someone
You’re five years older
Than
Doesn’t make you look
Very tough
In fact it makes you
Look weak
And that’s why
You got your
a**
handed to you
Do you think its appropriate for me to have curse words in my peom?
How do you think i can shorten up this poem?
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Hahh.
ReplyDeleteI think the cursing is fine.
One thing that might help is making the line breaks more purposeful. Right now you break to the next line often and it would be more effective if you did it for really important things.
yea, the cursing is fine, it helps emphasize what happened.
ReplyDeletethe poem is fine at that length, but if you did want to shorten it then, just as megan said, you just use less line breaks.
ya adding cursing is all good, it gets the feeling to the poem, it makes it what your really feeling.
ReplyDeleteit almost made me cry, thats so horrible,
the length is fine